0717 am 'Get This' news

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07/17/07 Get This
Chris Andreae

  1. Mystery Science Theater – The Bush Years:  A magistrate has ruled that the federal fisheries agency violated the Endangered Species Act by relying on scientifically flawed data from Oregon (By way of Karl Rove’s office).  The Feds took the phony info and decided that there was no point listing the remaining Oregon Coast Coho salmon as ‘endangered’ until they had gone extinct.  Can’t get much more ‘endangered’ than dead…
  2. Higher Science Mysteries:  Pollution from China!  Now available on top of Mt. Bachelor and coming to a mountain near you…
  3. Threemile Canyon Farm is a dairy the size of a small country.   Bigger than Multnomah County, just under the size of Lichtenstein, absolutely awash in cows, Threemile Canyon’s dairy workers are now member of the United Farm Workers Union It’s the first large scale agricultural contract in the State.  (Methane pollutants can be found in the air on top of mountains in China, is my guess…)
  4. A Milwaukie woman ended her live in a manner that is increasingly popular with those who are so inclined:  She brandished a gun, fired at a policeman, who – naturally – returned fire, and then, just in case she had not made her intentions clear, shot herself twice.  None of which would have happened if the police returned to yesteryear when they aimed to wound and incapacitate their victims, rather than passing summary judgment on the situation.
  5. Case In Point:  In Colorado, an armed man was shot and killed outside the offices of the Governor, Bill Ritter.  Shortly before he was “pacified” by peace officers, the gunman announced,  “I am the emperor and I’m here to take over state government.”  (Pity the police didn’t respond in similar fashion at the conclusion of the 200 election…Kidding!  Just kidding…No, really…)
  6. The Bush administration has finally accomplished the near-impossible feat of connecting al-Qaeda and Iraq.  We know this because we have a new National Intelligence Estimate that serves to confirm Michael ‘Guts’ Chertoff’s gastrointestinal perception that America is about to be attacked by terrorists.  And it is…Just not the ones referenced in the report….
  7. Democratic Representative Mel Watt, offering a litany of the failures of the Bush administration, happened in passing to mention that Bush in addition to being incompetent and unqualified to run a dog fight, never mind a “War on Terror”,  is also a liar.  Republicans, led by Chris Cannon failed in their attempt to ‘take down’ Watt’s remarks.  (Where’s the fun in that?  Even the people who support the president know he’s a liar: It’s the only thing Bush does moderately well…At least give the man that…)
  8. Yikes!  In-Coming!:  Bush is “launching” Middle East Talks.
  9. Hypocritic-Al Gonzales:  Executive privilege against Congressional investigations, is one thing, but attorney-client privilege in federal corporate crime prosecutions is another.  The operative word here, of course, is “corporate,”  here at Alberto Gonzales’s Justice Department Hall of Mirrors.
  10. ‘Do You Hear What I Hear?’:  At his court martial hearing, lawyers for the Marine charged with murdering children and other civilians in Haditha say it all comes down to the question:  Did Lance Corporal Stephen Tatum have his little Military Code of Conduct pamphlet with him at the time he embarked on his blood-soaked rampage?   Or was Tatum simply doing the Christian thing?
  11. Murdoch, She Wrote:  Rupert Murdoch has long lusted in his heart for the Wall Street Journal…And now the paper is just a heartbeat away – almost in the same room.  And that’s all she wrote…
  12. The Senate is holding an Iraq War pajama party.
  13. In San Diego, in addition to the daily torment and humiliation of filling out forms, standing in lines and answering absurdly personal questions, the poor are also subject to surprise home invasions (a bit like Iraq, but without to firepower).  Yes, “social service” workers can come in your house, go through your belongings, search your garbage and have a look at your mail, - if you are poor.  And should they find anything illegal, then they will call the police.  (Good thing Scooter Libby and Paris Hilton don’t have to apply for food stamps…)
  14. Execution Privilege:  The Georgia parole board has granted a 90-day stay of execution for a man convicted of killing a policeman.  The ACLU, Amnesty International and Desmond Tutu as well as thousands of other human rights supporters all say that most of the witnesses recanted, a few said they testified under duress and some said they saw another man commit the crime.  The family of the victim wants Troy Davis executed anyway.  (Is it even necessary to mention that race is a factor in the whole sordid scenario?  Didn’t think so.)
  15. Ground Zero workers who are suffering from all manner of ailments contracted when they went work in and around the ruins of the Twin Towers after 9/11  (Because Christine Whitman told them it was perfectly safe to breath as long as you didn’t use your lungs…Photosynthesis?  Fine!) are suing the company overseeing the $1 billion dollar insurance fund.  It is supposed to pay for their healthcare.  Better luck in Cuba, friends…
  16. The Lebanese Army (No doubt with covert personnel and material support from Western nations, ie:  the US) has actually hacked and slashed and pounded its way into the Palestinian refugee camp, Nahr el-Bared.  (The ‘tell card’ here is the overall tone and character of the assault…)
  17. In Florida, a man calls 911 and tells the dispatcher that he is surrounded by men with guns – you can see where this is going, right?  Dispatcher dispatches.  Police arrive to find that the man who called, is in fact surrounded by police with guns.  ‘Drunk and Disorderly – it’s a Beautiful Thing…
  18. Sixteen Saudi detainees were released from Guantanamo Bay and handed over to Saudi authorities, among them Jumah al-Dossari.  Al-Dossari is very fortunate ever to see the light of day after that hood came down over his head.  The US charged him with inciting the so-called  ‘Lackawanna Six’ to embark on some trumped-up jihadist mission.  (By such criteria, the producers of the Blues Brothers movie could be similarly charged for permitting the stars to admit that they were “On a mission from God.”
  19. In Iraq today:  Trouble up north around Baquoba, trouble in Baghdad just a scant hundred yards from the hallowed Green Zone.  On the bright side, Moqtada al-Sadr has ended his boycott of parliament.  (Al-Sadr knows things are about to get interesting and he wants to get back in the game.)  Remember the good old days when America was in Iraq to get its hands oily?  Now the only thing more valuable to America than  Iraq’s  oil is the al-Qaeda golem, which even Republicans know they are going to need in order to hold on to power in The Unlikely Event of an Election…
  20. In Oaxaca, the Guelaguetza international folk festival took a violent turn when protestors tried to march to the stadium where the event was being held.  Their demands?  An alternative, non-commercial festival.  What they got was massive police retaliation.


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